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 )                                                                         (
(                             NewOrigins Events                             )
 )                              April, Year 3                              (
(                                                                           )
 )      Multiple commoners are talking about an encounter between two      (
(     armies happened in the desert of Great Azagal Desert where battle     )
 )      ended in a slaughter of one of the sides. This battle will be      (
(          known as Battle near the forests of Katararotes Woods.           )
 )                                                                         (
(                          .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.                          )
 )                                                                         (
(      Many merchants have heard about an encounter between combatants      )
 )      happened in the desert of Kanesti Sands where 1combatant was       (
(       killed. Powerful magic was used in the battle. The attackers        )
 )     slaughtered all defenders. This battle will be known as Battle      (
(                      near the ocean of Garaen River.                      )
 )                                                                         (
(                          .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.                          )
 )                                                                         (
(        Multiple adventurers are rumoring about the battle between         )
 )      combatants happened in the desert of Great Antanoatos Desert       (
(        where battle ended in a slaughter of one of the sides. This        )
 )     battle will be known as Battle near the mountains of Khimilgog      (
(                                  Rocks.                                   )
 )                                                                         (
(                          .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.                          )
 )                                                                         (
(     Handful peasants are whispering about the city of Hernefield that     )
 )     lies in the Great Ialihn Desert desert, where a partisans slew      (
(                                  guards.                                  )
 )                                                                         (
(                          .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.                          )
 )                                                                         (
(      Numerous pilgrims are whispering about the city of Hekonoatres       )
 )    that lies in the Great Lurgbuz Desert desert, where an opposition    (
(                               slew guards.                                )
 )                                                                         (
(                          .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.                          )
 )                                                                         (
(      Numerous adventurers are whispering about the town of Yazhnarb       )
 )        that lies in the Dunham Rocks mountains, where a faction         (
(                             decimated guards.                             )
 )                                                                         (
(                          .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.                          )
 )                                                                         (
(      Some druids are rumoring about the town of Yazhmog that lies in      )
 )         the Morubal Sands desert, where a villans slew guards.          (
(                                                                           )
 )                         .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.                         (
(                                                                           )
 )      Some refugees have heard about adventurers who have destroyed      (
(       Undead (623) near mountains of Antanoatres Peak. Freeing the        )
 )            desert of Great Ialihn Desert from their terror.             (
(                                                                           )
 )                         .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.                         (
(                                                                           )
 )       A few scouts are worried about witchers who have decimated        (
(      Sandlings (656) near volcanoes of Lurggar Volcano. Freeing the       )
 )            desert of Great Ialihn Desert from their terror.             (
(                                                                           )
 )                         .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.                         (
(                                                                           )
 )      Handful merchants have heard about hunters who have decimated      (
(      Sandlings (399) near ocean of Gwalall River. Freeing the desert      )
 )               of Great Lurgbuz Desert from their horror.                (
(                                                                           )
 )                         .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.                         (
(                                                                           )
 )     In the desert of Great Volbuz Desert, near ocean of Great Amain     (
(        River, Undead (1927) who continue to cause horror to local         )
 )                              inhabitants.                               (
(                                                                           )
 )                         .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.                         (
(                                                                           )
 )      In the desert of Great Autarkirmos Desert, near mountains of       (
(     Lurgbuz Rocks, Sphinx (732) who continue to cause dread to local      )
 )                              inhabitants.                               (
(                                                                           )
 )                         .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.                         (
(                                                                           )
 )        A group of hunters expelled the Pride of Lions (479) who         (
(        inflicted horror on the inhabitants of the Ruadrimme Plains        )
 )                  plains near jungles of Kanihal Woods.                  (
(                                                                           )
 )                         .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.                         (
(                                                                           )
 )     Fearsome news were coming from the mountains of Boldur Heights.     (
(      Inhabitants were afraid by the assassination near the volcanoes      )
 )            of Lurgshak Peak. The assassin escaped unnoticed.            (
(                                                                           )
 )                         .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.                         (
(                                                                           )
 )     Alarming news were coming from the tundra of Antanoakos Tundra.     (
(      Citizens were terrified by the assassination near the ocean of       )
 )              Nemash River. The assassin escaped unnoticed.              (
(__       _       _       _       _       _       _       _       _       __)
    `-._.-' (___ _) `-._.-' `-._.-' )     ( `-._.-' `-._.-' (__ _ ) `-._.-'
            ( _ __)                (_     _)                (_ ___)
            (__  _)                 `-._.-'                 (___ _)
            `-._.-'                                         `-._.-'

si vis pacem, para bellum

This message is worth the paper it is written on.

If only we could figure out where the next surprise is coming from.

"All this study: we need combat training!"

We should restore the empire!

Did anyone see a Kraken?

Looks like the fun is going to start. Bring it on :-)

Another use of garlic is to repel undead. Shoo, skeletons!

Need silver for nothin' and leaders for free :)

Well, it seems that all the territories around us have been conquered. Let's eradicate the monsters now!

Lion hunt is not that simple.

The monsters should feel a big pain soon.

No news, good news

Today is the first day of the rest of our life.   Or something.

=============
Not Ready Yet
=============


Our Eldest's Column
-------------------


The Vikings of Hornwood write that they will take more swords and advance northwest?  Or at least, the translation into Standard Goblin of what the Vikings of Hornwood write is that they will take more swords and advance northwest.  This is very interesting; hundreds of Vikings of Hornwood live southeast of us.  We should prepare a delightful welcome for visitors.  It would help if we knew what Norse word the fine translators at the Times translated into "advance" in my Standard Goblin edition.  I would like to believe it was "ganga" or "drifa". But if the Times hired truly expert translators, they would have translated "ganga" or "drifa" into Standard Goblin "move", not Standard Goblin "advance".  "Move" is a peaceful word describing the slow, meandering, friendly way the little folk generally get about.  "Advance" can have a somewhat more insistent, forceful, warlike meaning.  So I worry the word the fine translators of the Times translated to "advance" may actually be "bella" or "herja".  "Bella" is be good in some languages.  Viking is not one of those languages.

Unsure whether to flee while we still can, or strew the roads to our southeast with flowers, we will address this problem in the usual little folk way: every little person to him or herself.  Some will flee, others will set up inns, temples, and other establishments for travellers to welcome our new Viking overlords.

Strewing the roads to the southeast will be challenging; we haven't built any roads to the southeast, and we apparently don't have enough farming skill (or is it hunting skill?) to produce flowers.  

The little folk liberation front loonies will want me to defend us from the Viking invaders instead of running away.  There are three problems with that.  First, most of the little folk won't join the defense, they will be busy running away, or decorating their brand spanking new house of ill-repute, or competing in their local spelling bee.  Second, I don't like fighting.  Third, I am a very long way from the lands northeast of Hornwood.

The little folk liberation front think I'm in hiding, neglecting my studies and my other responsibilities.  They are two thirds right.  This would be less of a problem if I knew the locations of a few more gates.  Particularly if the high priestess and I didn't arrive naked at the far gate.  I wonder if there is a way to carry the high priestess' wardrobe and her sisters with us through the gate?  Maybe if I just spend another year studying...

Desert Eagles writes that camels are the true ships of deserts.  Let an old man with saddle sores tell you, 135 camels are no galleon.  Were they, I would be months closer to being able to bring the High Priestess' wardrobe with us when we travel.


Old Guard Column
----------------

The city of Hernefield is still held by the old guard, but a peasant revolt seems imminent.  The city of Stockwood is still held by the old guard.  The little folk are trying to educate the peasants surrounding Stockwood.  We tell them that if they rise up today, firmly tell the old guard that they wish to establish a more egalitarian social order, with rights guaranteed by law and custom, then when the next conquerors arrive, they will encounter a people who are hard to rule, who expect individual liberties, not serfdom.  A few more listen to our teachers each month.  But sadly, most of the peasants surrounding Stockwood want to make hammers and picks, which they say make peasants richer, not swords, which they say are a waste of good iron.  Most really aren't very interested in war and politics, they tell us they don't care much who rules them, they are busy farming and mining and tending their camels, and would much rather rise up tomorrow, or the day after tomorrow, or at least sometime that doesn't conflict with their neighbor's daughter's wedding.


Sphinx Column
-------------

This month, more than a hundred little folk live together with 7 sphinxes.  Having learned two months ago that 100 little folk are no match for a sphinx, we certainly aren't going to draw our weapons first.  This columnist thinks we should all run away.  But the little folk are divided about this; some think the sphinxes will go away, some think we should fight the sphinxes, and some think "we shall die this month, so let's not let the month go to waste.  We have a lot of good wine to drink, and fun things to do before we die.  Party!"


Grammar Column
--------------

Dear Miss Goblin Grammar;

The Standard Goblin verb for another faction taking a city is "conquer".  Is there a verb for the little folk taking a city?--Optimist

Dear Optimist;

First a linguistics lesson.  Let me remind you of some things your elementary school linguistics teacher probably said, but that most of us no longer remember.  Recall that he or she taught you that information carried by modal auxiliaries and modal phrases in other languages, in Standard Goblin are often instead conveyed by a change to a completely different verb.  This is true because Standard Goblin is a language of slaves.  (The little folk have always been slaves.)  Standard Goblin has roots in the many languages of our many conquerors.  This gave (prestandard) Goblin multiple words for roughly the same concepts.  Because words never mean exactly the same thing in any two languages, we then had multiple words that were close, but not quite identical in meaning.  As goblins love word play and showing off our vocabulary more than any other race, (except possibly dragons and sphinxes), where words from two of our past masters' languages had slightly different meanings, generations of goblins, trying to impress mates, would show off their knowledge of both languages by using whichever ancient word tended most in the direction we intended.  

Use of words always moves their meaning a little closer to what the speaker intended to convey, and a little closer to what the listener wanted to hear.  (These are seldom the same.)  Your teachers (and potential mates) judged your word use as "right" or "wrong", but if you took the optional, advanced linguistic electives, you learned that in some sense both the speaker and the listener are always a little bit right; they always bring the meaning of the word a little closer to whatever they wished it to mean.  So words that once had very similar but not quite identical meanings in two masters' languages would in time become quite different in Goblin.  Our linguists and historians can trace this drift over time, and make predictions about the true meanings of documents written in now dead languages.  This ends the lesson.

Second, some rules about when "conquer" is correct and when a different verb must be used.  In Standard Goblin, we do not use modal auxiliaries to express our attitude toward the conqueror.  Instead, the verb "conquer" is modified depending on our attitude toward the conquerors.  In the mode of slave to slave about enemy,  "conquer" is spelled "subjugate".  "Conquer" is the correct spelling in the slave to slave about unfriendly mode.  In both neutral mode and friendly mode, the verb for another taking a city is "take".  

I wrote a quite long discussion here about why the neutral mode and friendly mode had not divided into two different verbs, even though we have from our conquerors many synonyms for "take", "conquer", and "subjugate".  But our assistant editor made me take it out of the packet sent to the Times, because, he said, I was writing too much about linguistics and not enough about grammar.  He said the readers who hated linguistics in school skip the linguistics column and read my column because they want juicy personal details, or if not that, at least modern grammar rules they can accuse their friends of violating, not linguistics lessons.  So I will skip over that beautifully written segment and merely direct you to our Central Translation Department in the Nottingwood Valley.  

Third, a history question.  Don't go away, this gets closer to answering your question.  Although it is mostly forgotten history now, the little folk did briefly have an ally in this world.  It didn't work well for us, it is now mostly forgotten like a bad marriage.  But in those times, our ally took a city, very early.  Taking a city early is probably why Our Eldest thought they were marriage material.  And searching through old documents from those times, we see that in those times, the verb "conquer" in slave to slave about ally mode was "liberate".

Fourth, we shall finally answer your question.  The answer is, "Miss Goblin Grammar does not know".  

Fifth, we shall make excuses.  Meanings form by repeated use.  The little folk having never taken a city themselves, and have barely discussed taking a city themselves, so there is no settled choice about what verb we will use for that, in the unlikely event that we ever need such a verb.  Miss Goblin Grammar could try to guess what verb will be adopted, but Miss Goblin Grammar is not an oracle; her guess would almost certainly be wrong.  If you want a prediction of the future, you must pay a priest or priestess.  

Sixth, to quote a composer of otherworldly children's languages, "the best way to predict the future is to invent it".  It is almost impossible to control how language changes, as Our Eldest now knows from experience.  Our Eldest has now spent a fortune of little folk treasure paying grammarians in every (well, some) regions to enforce Standard Goblin across our lands, and despite all these grammar enforcers and despite all the taxes needed to support them, the little folk still have dialects.  Miss Goblin Grammar, having acquired a new item and feeling optimistic herself, will attempt the almost impossible.  I will now try to predict the future by inventing it.  The sandlings whom, a couple months ago, we helped reach their next plane of existence were so grateful for our assistance that they left us one "bully pulpit" ([BULL], weight 50).  I have acquired that item.  Miss Goblin Grammar now states, with the full authority granted to her by 1 BULL, the correct spelling of "conquer" in first person shall be "liberate", the same spelling used in the third person slave to slave about ally mode.


Tea Column
----------

We are slowly making tea despite the High Priestess' conclusion that swords or armor might save more little folk than tea does.  Tea just seems peaceful and pleasant.  We still haven't found any mushrooms.


Religion Column
---------------

(Written this month by the High Priestess, who is afraid of letting her younger sister write any more columns.)

The Avalon Empire recently acquired a relic of a saint, either an ogre sized relic, or a relic carried by an ogre.  Iron Harlequins, assuming the former, wonders whether Avalon Empire has discovered evidence of ordination of ogres.  If Avalon Empire's message was well translated (always a concern of the little folk), it does appear that Avalon Empire has discovered a relic of a saintly ogre, not a saintly relic carried by an ogre.  Even so, the little folk priesthood does not accept this as sufficient evidence of ogre ordination, we believe this is only evidence of ogre canonization.  Before accepting this as evidence of either ogre ordination or ogre canonization, we wish Avalon Empire would SHOW ITEM "holy symbol" and read from the description whether this a first class relic, a second class relic, or a third class relic.

Now I suppose I must attempt to repair any damage done by last month's religion column.  The little folk do not agree among ourselves about everything (anything?).  We (mostly) let little folk who do not know the truth speak and write their own stupid opinions.  I apologize if my younger sister offended any of you in her attempt to step into a long standing dispute between powerful factions.  The little folk barely remember any past lives.  But it is becoming clear that reincarnation really is a thing, and some others really do remember past lives vividly.  How much we remember from the past lives and how we use that knowledge in this life is a delicate topic.  The little folk way is to be tolerant of different ways of life, so we should be tolerant of different attitudes toward knowledge from past lives.  The little folk way is _not_ (sisters take notice) to preach truth to power.


LFLF Column
-----------

Our Eldest is hiding somewhere, just when his help is needed in Stockwood.  Stockwood will probably, almost certainly, be conquered (by someone else) this month or next.  Is our best chance of revolution in the whole little folk confederation to conquer Stockwood ourselves before Our Eldest gets there, proving that the LFLF and the little folk don't need him, and we can do better on their own without him?  Or is it better to just let Stockwood fall to the inevitable invaders, then complain that Our Eldest didn't take it first?

Much tea was drunk, many biscuits were eaten, and it was agreed to continue the discussion next month, with more biscuits.  Especially the ones with herbs and honey, those were good.  Our Eldest is sure lucky he has us to figure out all the hard stuff for him.


Peace Column
------------

The little folk peace columnist is sad.  Why are all my fellow little folk writing about conquering and attacking?  How can we convince other to want peace if even the little folk are all caught up in this war thing?  Fighting other factions is not the little folk way.  It never has been, and it won't end well.  Even if we did conquer a city, wouldn't we then immediately lose it to the first powerful faction that walked up and asked for it?  Little folk are slaves.  The new guards of cities wear Thane silver or harder stuff, are led in battle by Ghenghis Khan or Napoleon, and wield weapons that even Stormspike fears.  Why are little folk talking about war and conquest?  Please, martial little ones, address your martial instincts to agriculture.  Please slay some weeds, not other factions.


Obituary Column
---------------

In the Great Antanoatos desert, quite near the safe place Good Mr. Hagen first created for the little folk to enter this world, Dunstan, Fib, Droann, Alpin, Nahhtadd, Constantin, Luigsech, and Uurgust died protecting their fellows from half a dozen sandlings.  They were a mixed group of goblins, gnolls, and humans.  Most little folk don't think bravery a little folk virtue.  If our children show tendencies toward bravery, we tell them scary stories to encourage them to become wary, prudent adults.  Some little folk have criticized those who died for fighting back.  Some have said the little folk way is to turn the other cheek, not to swing hammers and picks meant for metal and stone at living things.  Some little folk have blamed the humans and gnolls for encouraging respectable goblins to fight back instead of run.  But maybe, just maybe, other factions who celebrate bravery know a truth the little folk do not.  It does seem to this speaker that the bravery and sacrifice of Dunstan, Fib, Droann, Alpin, Nahhtadd, Constantin, Luigsech and Uurgust mattered, mattered more than all the camels, grain and metal they produced in their short lives.  Usually sandlings kill almost all the little folk, occasionally letting a few run away.  This time, the sandlings killed only a few of us before all six sandlings became enlightened and transcended.  The many survivors should thank them for their sacrifice, not criticize them for fighting back.

Overhead in an Urgdur tavern....
-------
"... and then they were all slaughtered."
    "But how could that happen?  I thought we had allies?"
"Fog of war I guess - they were fighting on the other side of the city."
    "And they all died?"
"That's what we heard - honestly, we never saw anyone come out of the city - they're all just gone..."

The Ambassador gave the order for small balls of gianduja to be coated with something crispy and then rolled in a tiny quantity of chocolate, and then assembled into a tower resembling a croquembouche. It was time to really impress the potential allies.

Another attempt to forgive the Romans. I do not believe in the reasonableness of this step, but I will give you another chance...

The month brought new knowledge! It turns out that it is possible to have two skills not only for leaders!

The Sphinx has gone west.

The strange act of The Filras (20) to put it mildly puzzled. What's the point of killing my lone leader in a town Lamahel that doesn't belong to me by an army, that was be able to take the town? Natural stupidity? Or childhood dreams of a Great Victory? Or a spring exacerbation of a mental disorder? And most importantly, silently, without declaring war, without reasons and grounds... or maybe rabies? Then we urgently need to put the poor enimal to sleep!

Summer is close by, Utuk'ku wonders if her residence is prepared for all the heat that this year promises to bring.

Good, but not good enough.

Many deserts seem to be filled with quests, shame that our men are
nowhere near them.

Torwin never knew how to behave with elder ladies when they asked him to save their children from the threat of evil. You tell them to calm down - they cry their eyes out. You tell them all would be well - they cry their eyes out again. He decided he would just nod and leave.

More! We always want more iron. For the big project.

Time destroys all things,
And torments us with gloomy boredom.
It is like a heavy burden
On the shoulders of mortals lies.

No way!

"Sometimes the Fendahl moves in mysterious ways," intoned the priestess. 

 "And sometimes, he sleeps, leaving us his mortal servants to decide whether he means for us to get off our arses or just sit there like lemons.  And while last week we may indeed have had a touch of the citrus, that lethargy ends today."

Hey Wanderes... time's up! We tried diplomacy only to be ignored...

Peace at all costs!

Demons, in the plains, again!

Our first ship "Tiny Beaver" has it's first sail!

Romans, Citizens, Friends,
 The future city of Rome has been liberated!
All rejoyce!

earthquake [EQUA] 5:  A mage with this skill can cast ritual of desecration.  To use this spell CAST EARTHQUAKE.  This spell destroys all non-magical structures in the world, activates all volcanoes, and shrouds the world in darkness, preventing farming for 12 months.

The murderer of the order of the Holden Witnesses sect, while trying to get into the chambers of the Lord of the Northern Lands, made a mistake with the window and climbed into the room where the ruler's youngest son, the Duke of Arkogon, was imprisoned. Both were surprised. The young duke did not lose his head and escaped with the help of an assassin.
---------
The new Patriarch of Holden's Holy Deed Church went on a pilgrimage to Holden's holy sites. Due to the fact that no one could reasonably name where the holy sites are, the Young Patriarch decided to visit the Barakguzun Woods, where the dragon was last seen, which, according to rumors, hatching from egg, that was present during Holden's Holy Deed.
---------
The Lord of the Northern Lands discovered the loss of his son. All traces pointed to the abduction of him by the murderers of the order of the sect of Holy Witnesses Holden

joke

Writing a rumor about yourself again?