Times Turn 43

Quests

In the tunnels of Ulgis roams the Demon (328). Free the world from this menace and be rewarded!
Show your devotion by visiting Temples in Aictred, Ainglen and Airghagen.
In the tunnels of Splaher lurks the Dragon (14771). Free the world from this menace and be rewarded!
Build a Temple in Ailee for the glory of the Gods.
Seek a token of the Ancient Ones legacy amongst the furs of Althel.
Seek a token of the Ancient Ones legacy amongst the iron of Becroum.
Seek a token of the Ancient Ones legacy amongst the winged horses of Ype'e.
Seek a token of the Ancient Ones legacy amongst the furs of Deeland.
Seek a token of the Ancient Ones legacy amongst the livestock of Habach.
Seek a token of the Ancient Ones legacy amongst the iron of Silglen.
In the tunnels of Deldoull lurks the Dragon (542). Free the world from this menace and be rewarded!
Build a Temple in Agumi for the glory of the Gods.
Seek a token of the Ancient Ones legacy amongst the yew of Enraswood.
In the tunnels of Glockko roams the Ettins (326). Free the world from this menace and be rewarded!
Seek a token of the Ancient Ones legacy amongst the grain of Oorfoco.
In the tundra of Ca'au roams the Undead (13746). Free the world from this menace and be rewarded!
In the chasm of Masspett roams the Balrog (705). Free the world from this menace and be rewarded!
Seek a token of the Ancient Ones legacy amongst the camels of Thu'acre.

Articles

So there’s this traveller.  He’s from the village of Smagosberg, some ways away from the capital, and he’s a wood elf, of delicate disposition.  But he’s a master carpenter and a message comes that he’s needed for working with floater hides, so off he goes.

There’s a horse to get him to the coast, though its backbone was clearly designed to torment the elven coccyx.  Then there’s a turtle to take him out off the headland, though the sea is near freezing and the quilted armor he was issued back in the forest becomes quickly soaked through and seems to provide only weight, not warmth.  The airship that was meant to pick him up is delayed as the mage that was supposed to hasten its journey had spent a little too long on a drinking contest with a couple of beardy lads from the tundra, and when he does get on board it’s packed full of troops and pegasi and piles and piles of truffles that probably would be quite nice to eat grated over, oh, mashed potato or something, but at that moment really just add a slightly fetid dampness to the cramped and overfull hold.

Eventually he does arrive at the capital, and a ridiculously overpriced wagon takes him to the hostelry where he’s to be staying.  The travel problems mean it’s well after dark that he arrives, and when a wizened and unpleasant orc woman finally answers the door,  she seems to take a nastily gleeful pleasure in informing him that all the single rooms are full, and he’ll have to bunk in the common room with some gnolls from the west.

So he gets to the common room and finds to his horror that there are three of them, and they’re already what can only be described as quite nobly smashed.  Absolutely rat-arsed.  They are laughing and barking and drinking a truly vile distillate of fermented cactus, and they are making jokes about the military and the secret police and the High Wizard’s mother, but he resists the urge to plug his ears and shout for quiet as all he wants to do is get some sleep at this late hour.  

Excusing himself to visit the bathroom, he goes downstairs, but also stops by the kitchen and asks the orc woman for tea for four in about ten minutes.  Visibly irked, she reluctantly agrees, if only after he tips her a silver piece.   Then he finishes his business and returns to the room to hear them singing a truly obscene marching song,  But, after another verse, he speaks up.

“You know,” he says smoothly, “they say that the Manipulators of the secret police, they have scrying orbs to keep track of every visitor to the capital.  So watch what you say, or they'll come and arrest us all.”

For a moment, they look at him in disbelief, and then one of them continues “…and up and up went the level of steam, and down and down went the level of cream….” And the notably-tuneless 'singing' continues.

But in the small paue at the end of the next verse, the elf stands up and says to the air, “Please could we have tea for four in the common room in about five minutes?”  

Again the look, until a belch from the fattest one draws the next gale of cackling, and a note that the High Wizard’s mother could belch far louder than that after she’s had a few.

And once again they return to the singing and laughing and cactus juice – 

Until the door opens and the orc woman brings the tea.  Then the singing stops, and the laughter is stilled, and with a number of embarrassed glances around the room for signs of scrying, and furtive apologetic mutterings, the tea is quietly drunk and the gnolls, at last, go to bed.

But the tale does not end there.

For in the night the elf is awoken by a crash as the street door is smashed open.  There's a brief squawk of protest from the orc, and the thundering of boots on the stairs.  The door to the common room splinters straight off its hinges as the mithril guards of the secret police burst in, ironwood truncheons in hand.  They set about beating the gnolls for their sedition, before dragging their bloodied forms out of the common room.  One of them turns towards the woodelf, but the officer calls out, “No, leave that one.” 

From beneath the inadequate shelter of his thin blanket, the carpenter meets the gaze of the lead policeman and asks, “Why do you not arrest me?”

The policeman nods to him in reply, with a quick and mirthless smile.
“Because the Manipulator thought your joke with the tea was quite funny.”
TechniVorm (104)
Richard really did not like undead. He was even afraid of them. After the incident with the Lich in the first year of the creation of the World, Lich the loser, but the survivor, who claimed so many lives, and turned so many lives into hell, raising them again, Richard could not endure them.
He knew that Lich was dead. More than a year after the fateful events, he was killed by Jaacov.
Now there is a new Lich. And new undeads. All around.
The Eight Shores (11)
Last turn, many of our brave orcs were bbq'ed by a hydra. Our management learned lots of things about flags...
Gilead (111)
"Sweeper, isn't this war a bit quiet?"
"Lad, did you ever hear the phrase 'Famous last words?'"
The monks (12)
Rumble in the Jungle !
Nils Olav (14)
Time to have a look in the underworld.
Scoiatael (25)
Sildoral was certain now. Those people in Debury were part of the House of Gallian. Oh that blasted provincial mayor with his unreasonable fear of spies. If he hadn´t died already he would execute him himself. Maybe he could ask Emperor Nagash to bring him back, so that he could be killed again.
Maybe Viestards could forget about the unforgivable killing of that old family retainer then. He certainly had the reputed quick temper of the House of Gallian to spare. But Sildoral would have reacted much the same if one of his childhood servants had been summarily killed without provocation.
Elves of Lund (26)
(Stories from ancient Darealone family book - Tales from Torsee Darealone - XXIX)
Monster hunting was going well.
The kraken had killed a couple orcs, but orcs do consider a good fight is one where you also get bleed.
Now it was time to get those pesky elementals..
This is Paradise (29)
Life is calm. World is Calm???
The Filras (3)
Even more wet scouts launched. Prepare for first contact, we come in peace.
Miserable Maniacs (40)
Shields make wonderful poker tables. Spears make great marshmallow sticks. Two mithral swords, are useful for shaving. One as a mirror, the other the blade. There are lots of uses for all this stuff.
Northern Viking (42)
As usual, everyone is fighting over the tiniest scraps of land. Let us know when it gets quieter.
Children of the Four Winds (44)
"Melnajās burās auroja vējš
Kā bezcerība tas dvēseli plēš"

were heard singing over from the fleet leaving Debury, it didn't make any sense for the locals, but for sure the singers were into it. It took more than 4.5 years since Viestards with his powerful friends got hands on a bottle of VODK. And there it happened - 6 bottles were bought in Debury after the battle, for each of the Semigallian nobles, when starting to enjoy this fantastic drink, memory started to become more and more clear. All these years without VODK just has been blinded Viestards. These mistakes over the years must not continue, there should always be a bottle VODK by hand for each of the Semigallian nobles. A bottle of VODK and you finally start seeing things more clearly. Was this fight a mistake?
Semigallians (6)
Everything was wrong....
Royal Pinguins (69)
The clank of iron, the troops go hunting.
Moon Knights (7)
General Ptolemy reports that the underworld expeditionary force has not been heard from as expected.  A search party is being prepared for immediate departure.  The general declined further comment.
The Phrygians (83)
Wood for livestock, longest road, largest army, these aren't the goal.  The goal is power in the way of artefacts but sometimes, the goal is ignored.
Luxadom (86)
As for now, Fishmongers are sucessfully losing war started by Fishmongers.
Fishmongers (9)

Rumors

If the President of the Gilead marketing department takes it and he is not mentally degenerated, which remains to be proven, he is at least sexually impotent.
(according to his Handmaid who is still not pregnant)
Gilead, hehe you said mentul de... denege... deregenation.